Goodbye Oz

Bondi Beach

Crumbs, that was quick. Australia fini.  

Green Lights:  

1. All things ‘The Great Outdoors’: wildlife, beaches, mountains, forests etc. In particular, Australia rocks on the wildlife-o-meter.
2. People: especially the grey nomads who time and time again have provided us with tea, cake and excellent travel tips. 
3. Drinking opportunities are superb with great wine and drive through off licenses in every town.
4. Decent plumbing, ie hot showers and loos that can deal with tissue.

Red Lights:

1. Money, money, money. We have spent A LOT.
2. The quintillions of insects.
3. Right wing politics. Australia is about to begin censoring the internet for nasties, ie porn. Saw Kevin Rudd interviewed and he used China as a good example of how to do it. Hmmm.
4. Everything closes early. If you’re not sat in a restaurant before 9pm, forget it. Almost without exception (only Sydney here), no corner shop or chippie is open late. Similarly, national parks and other camp sites are horrified if you arrive after 7pm.
5. God radio. Perhaps we listened to too much..

Dr Doolittle Country

Tasmania is a true nirvana for nature lovers. These critters just can’t stop popping out the bushes.  Among others, we’ve met in the forests:

Echidna

Beaked,egg-laying hedgehog-a-likes. Seriously short-sighted and very curious.

Pademelon

Baby Tasmanian Devil

 

Tasmanian devils are very rare (hence photo in nature park) as 90% have face cancer spread by their shocking eating habits: they steal food from each other and often bite the mouth that feeds them. 

Also, met bushy-tailed Possums (think huge black squirrel), faces pressed agains the camp kitchen window sniffing our curry and following us back to camp. One even managed to get into the car.

And of course, the legendary duck-billed platypus. In a refuge rather than wild: beak, fur,and poisonous spurs with no known anti-venom that cause agonising pain. Excellent.

Face-to-face, marsupials(which btw inc. koalas) and monotrines  (platypus and echidna) are definitely Top of the Pops on wacky charts.

Tasmania

Beautiful Tasmania, a small island big on charm: gorgeous mountains, lush forests, and deserted beaches; crazy rare animals; plus, it’s a serious wine producer.

Cradle Mountain

My 35th year started pretty darn well today: camped in Freycinet National Park, on the edge of forest next to a picture-perfect golden beach, this couldn’t be better.

Marsupial madness

Hungry

First Kangaroo encounter required an emergency stop: thankfully no bruising for Kanga or car. Since our first sighting, everywhere we look a troupe pops up. Dusk is especially dangerous as thousands are on the move. Our campsite owner even hand feeds a gang each night; astonishing chamming.

Phillip Island Koala Conservation Centre

Cute cute cute! And very easy to find; Koalas each pick a single tree as their permanent address. Also more wallaby’s here than can shake a stick at. Excellent.

You’re some sort of big, fat, smart-bug, aren’t you? (Johnny Rico, Starship Troopers, to the Brain Bug)

We will fight them on the beaches and in the tent, toilet, shower, kitchen…

Previously a friend to insects (not just ladybirds), now I abhor them. Australia has turned me into a wailing banshee whose days of carefree sunning on the grass or leaving any door ajar are gone. Even Tanzania’s cockroach infestation didn’t bring on this fear: here, all bugs are too numerous. 

Examples. We’ve just endured a plague of enormous black crickets, literally thousands during a population spike in the camp kitchen determined to die in my dinner and procreate in on and around the loo (puts you off in both situations). Attenborough would have loved it; hundreds of millipedes in the shower all over the walls, floor and dropping from the ceiling, that sans specs and robes I only noticed when the tiles started waving excitedly on water-startup; mosquitos the size of houseflys (not normal), marsh flies (ouch) and bull ants, the largest ant in the world with an attitude problem and sting to match. What is this God-forsaken place?

Fact of the day: 90%+ of the world’s biomass is insect: ants being largest part, at 15-20%. At any time it is estimated that there are some 10 quintillion – 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 – individual insects alive (Smithsonian Institute, website).

Wilson’s Promontory National Park

Whisky Beach, Wilson's Prom

Southern-most tip of mainland Australia and dream marsupial-spotting destination. Noisy grazing outside the tent last night turned out to be a very plump wombat unconcerned by our torch shining and my squeals of delight. Also home to Hitchcock-esque birds; glance up and see them swarming and plotting. Outwitted at breakfast by Bonnie and Clyde seagulls: Bonnie let off a blood-curdling scream on my shoulder – I gave chase – Clyde snuck in for some wheaty flakes and bannana. Later followed by determined Kookaburra dive-bombing our fish n chip dinner.

Whisky Beach, sunset

Cracking beaches too.

Snowy mountains and damp caves

Like this one. Nice isn’t it?

Blue Mountains: ‘She burst through the door like TNT [in a dash for the toilet]’ (superb Brookes & Dunn song, Play Somethin’ Country)

From this point it’s camping camping camping interspersed with trips to vinyards. To save you from two weeks of us singing along to Jesus Cheese FM and bickering over who’s turn it is to drive, brutal cutting to the chase ahead.

Locals

A short hop from Sydney, New South Wales’ Blue Mountains deliver on their promise of dramatic scenery and excellent bushwalking.

Have Rapidly settling into a camping routine: 11pm bed in heavy clothes; 1am woken with searing backache/dead leg/rock in the ribs; 3am sob-worthy freezing, scrabble to add layers (double trousers, socks, quad jumpers, towels..); 4am awake again, refuse to answer call of nature; 5am bundle out to loo, back to bed; 8am sunrise and boil-in-the-bag steaming, remove clothes, get up. Repeat ad nauseum.

Luckily camping also = wildlife wonderland. Birdlife a glorious technicolour dream.

Incy Wincy spider climbing up the spout; Down came the boot and snuffed poor Wincy out.

 

Home to some of the most dangerous creatures on earth, Australia isn’t just famous for beaches. In order of scare-value, top hits are: The Box Jellyfish; Irukandji (A Jellyfish); Taipan snake; Salt Water Crocodile; Blue Ring Octopus; Stone Fish; Red Back Spider; Brown Snake; Tiger Snake; Great White Shark; Funnel Web Spider. Australia also has 32 species of mosquito; not dangerous here, ie they’re non-malarial, but my nemesis is abundant.

Avoiding the big beasties is the rule, and for the spiders, if in doubt, kill it. And, as people who cannot tell their Red Back from their Coachman, and wouldn’t know a Funnel Web from a Daddy Longlegs, reluctantly we have adopted this practice. All must die. There are just so many of them. Everywhere. A quiet walk in the forest becomes a dangerous trek into the unknown.

Note: Encounters with dangerous critters aren’t that rare here. We’ve already met a gal bitten on the bum by a snake while going to the loo in the bush. Buttock swelled up, but no anti-venom required. That’s ok then..